A flame across the lake

If only it could survive till dawn
I• the lap of this dark night of a dreary winter, through an open window of my unlit room, I can see a small portion of lake illuminated by a reflection of the flame of a distant candle burning on the window of some unknown house across the lake. The little drops of rain are tickling the still waters, a cold breeze caressing the same. A drop of rain has just touched my chapped lips and I can taste its sweetness. Perhaps it has come with some honey somewhere in the fountains of the heaven. I fulminate against myself for my transgressions are awful.
How can God yet be benevolent towards me? Here through this open window I wonder…. There was a time when everything used to fall for me before I started falling for everything. Now that people have parted ways, there is no sign of any human presence around me. It is just me caught in the tentacles of this piercing darkness that rules here now.

It pinches, it hurts, it wounds. I am helpless, weary and paralyzed by fear.
Even a slightest sound of a falling leaf that had survived the autumn strikes a sense of fright inside me. The worst has come to worst. My night has come back in vengeance for what I have done to my day. My soul is eaten away by remorse for passing through years and not living my life. I am alone, my companion has left me and it is not for him but for me, I take it on myself, I am responsible for all this. His picturesque smile and my impertinent looks, his innocent concern and my appalling neglectfulness, his keenness and my complacency, his eager love and my unresponsiveness, oh! It pains a lot. Here through this open window I wonder…. Now I have no one near me. I could have become my own companion but I have given up looking into the mirror because I really dread the person in it. I have no option but to stoically accept all this— the bitter fruits of my own bearings.
I am smitten by the apprehension that I might not make it to dawn. I am hollow from within but for a modicum of hope somewhere across the lake, that flame of a candle trying to assuage the pain and pang of my loneliness. Here through this open window I wonder…. Who is there on the other side of the lake trying to keep the flame of my hope burning? If only that flame could survive till dawn. I have to seek forgiveness from someone; I have to make that urgent call to my parents and tell them how much I love them, I have to give that chocolate I have promised to the kid next door; I have to sort out misconceptions that have ruined my relationships— and ‘ miles to go before I sleep’. But what is happening here? The breeze is turning into a slight wind. My heart is throbbing heavily as never before. My flame of hope is flickering.

Now should I give up or continue to cling to hope? Here through this open window I wonder, in the lap of this dark night of a dreary winter…